Monday, December 12, 2011

A Fair and Balanced View of Christianity

Here are several descriptions of the Judeo-Christian faith. Some were not written or inspired by me.

1. Green: Suppose you had never heard of Christianity, and the next Sunday morning, a stranger in a pulpit told you about a book whose authors could not be authenticated and whose contents, written hundreds of years ago, included blood-curdling legends of slaughter and intrigue, and fables about unnatural happenings such as virgin births, devils that inhabit human bodies and talk, people rising from the dead and ascending live into the clouds, and suns that stand still. Suppose he then asked you to believe that an uneducated man described in that book was a god who could get you into an eternal fantasy-place called Heaven when you die.
Would you, as an intelligent rational person, even bother to read such nonsense, let alone pattern your entire life upon it?

2.  Anonymous: Christianity is the belief that a narcissistic Jewish zombie who is his own father can make you live forever if you pretend to eat his flesh and drink his blood and telepathically tell him you love him so he can remove an evil spell from your soul that is present in everyone because a woman made from a rib was persuaded by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
I don't know about you but this seems perfectly reasonable to me. 

3.  Ariex: A perfect, omnipotent god of love deliberately created flawed beings so that he would have to kill almost all of them and start over so he would have to send himself down among them and sacrifice himself to himself in order to allow himself to forgive those flawed beings for having the flaws he himself created in them.
Only a supernatural being could do something so infinitely stupid.

4.  Gray: God to the people - I created you with a default destiny to burn in Hell for ninety trillion years, which you can avoid only by believing that I sent myself (or Jesus) to Earth and that I (or he) cured the ill, stilled storms, created food from nothing, arose from the dead, and ascended to Heaven. I had myself (or him) do these things to make me (or him) more believable. Then I lovingly had myself (or him) tortured and killed to forgive you humans for sins that you never did. The threat I am saving you from is me (or him), your caring God (or Jesus). If you doubt any of this, it’s your own fault.


Of course, none of the above is intended to be cynical or satirical in any way. I wouldn't do something like that.

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